To Tubal or not?

That is the question.  The hubs brought up a very good point: How do you know if you want 4 kids if you don't have 3 yet? As soon as I got pregnant with #3, the Dr. mentioned the tubal.  At first, I was a little offended.  I got over it.  Which was good because he kept bringing it up!  I love being a mommy and a day at home with the boys beats work every single time.  They are awesome, cute, fun and hilarious.  And who doesn't love having a cupboard full of fruit roll-ups, goldfish crackers and frosted animal cookies? 

I am having a C-section so it makes sense that I would be the one.  And Steve is a HUGE baby.  When he gets "the cold" the earth stops rotating.  Or the earache, the pneumonia, the GERD.  I think you get the point.  I also don't want to hear him whine.  I like the suffer in silence type. 

The Worries:

I am afraid of the tubal ligation causing increased pain.  I only took toradol and motrin after my last C-section.  I don't want to take anything stronger.  I was also afraid it would add length of stay.  Some women like to stay in the hospital after they have a couple of kids and enjoy the meals they deliver.  However, I am not one of them.  Although that carrot cake is pretty amazing!  I hate being a patient.  And when the boys come to visit, they leave and I feel all sad :(  I want to leave as soon as possible.  Actually, if they let me leave post-op day #1, I would.  I know what I'm in for and I really just want to be together as a family.  Back to the pain.  I work in a recovery room and have seen women literally crawling out of the carts in pain from tubal ligations with rings.  So there is no way I am signing up for the crap.  And I am not going to listen to my male Dr. tell me it won't hurt because last I checked he doesn't have fallopian tubes.  I met with a female Dr. in the practice and she reassured me it would not add any pain or length of stay.  Apparently, they don't do rings after a section they use cauterization.  So after all my concerns were taken care of: How come I am still on the fence??  Does that mean I do long for a 4th?  I don't like odd numbers.  Will 4 be crazy? Yes, but after 1 there are times you are a walking shit show.  In case you don't know that, it will happen.  Oldest having a meltdown while the youngest has poop coming out the top of his shirt, all while trying to navigate a very heavy shopping cart towards your car when you realize you really should have peed before the trip to Wegmans even started.  I do want to start taking family vacations (a la Griswold's) and that is hard to do being pregnant or breastfeeding.  But the thought of "being done" makes me all kinds of sad.  I can't decide.  Or have I???