Just hanging on

Me and Reid are taking it 1 day at a time over here with breastfeeding.  1 day at a time, just like  alcoholics or addicts.  Let me remember the good ole days for a moment breastfeeding Brady.  I would get my nice drink of ice water, my phone, the remote and an US weekly and just sit on the couch.  He would fall asleep on the boppy and I would relax with my feet up.  Even breastfeeding Pierce was kinda like that as long as I made sure Brady had everything he needed before I sat down.  Well, cut to now.  There is no ice water because my kids would drink it or spill it.  So my water is in the kitchen a room away.  My phone is still somewhere near, thank God!  The remote? Don't need that anymore.  Unless they are asleep it's Disney or Sprout.  And there no magazines either because I don't get too comfortable.  There is no relaxing anymore. 

Now just when you feel the milk start coming down you: a) hear "can I have some juice, b) mom Pierce is on the table, c) mom Pierce has poop d) mom Pierce is eating fill in the blank.  All of which make you have to take the show-on-the-road while trying to keep baby latched or sir drinks-a-lot gets all kinds of mad to go and rescue or stop Pierce from doing something he shouldn't.  It is not relaxing and it hasn't been fun in a while.  Breastfeeding with a 1 year old is quite the challenge!  My goal was a year like the other boys, then it was 9 months, then maybe 7 months.  Now it is day-by-day. 

I know if I stop short I will feel the mom guilt that the last one got cheated.  And I don't really want to buy formula but it would be nice to go on a cruise and not have to pump or get to sit and talk with other adults on my lunch break at work.  And let's face it, I would still be giving the baby a bottle and have to get up and stop Pierce from doing whatever he is into at the moment.  But my boobs are begging to be put away!!  Mommy decisions are the hardest, aren't they?